Archive for March, 2008

hurt

Thursday, March 27th, 2008

I was at the local nursery today to buy a few herbs and vegetables for the garden my youngest son and I have been planting. After finding what I needed, I walked around [longing for] admiring the flowers and trees and roses. The wind started, turning the warm day chilly, and I shivered in my light jacket. A man walking by remarked, “It’s getting cold.” I smiled and dipped my head in accord and went on my way. I turned down the next aisle, and there he was again. He said, “Are you from _______[the town I've been exiled to]? Haven’t I seen you somewhere? Working at _____?” I again smiled and said, “No. I’m from up north, San Francisco. I haven’t been here in a long long time.”

I moved on [the ranunculus were extraordinary].

As I was going into the nursery building to pay, the man approached me for the last time, “Are you married?” he blurted. And I, unable to do anything else—unwilling to admit the truth—replied, “Yes.” He looked momentarily hurt and said, “I thought so,” then nodded and walked away.

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There was a funny version of this story that first came to me—my true inclination in most situations. However, when writing it down, it didn’t happen—despite, at the time this situation occurred, running a witty and humourous internal dialogue….

Eye of the Beholder…?

Monday, March 24th, 2008

So that’s your boy, er, I mean girlfriend?

I’m so sorry. I mean, for what I said before.

At any rate, she’d make an awesome wolfman!

The Impotance of being Caffeinated

Thursday, March 20th, 2008

I wrote the following to the incomparable Jeckles of Jeckles Geek Blog, Shitty Blogs Club and Shitty Blog Radio (the one hour per week that perhaps singlehandedly prevents me from taking a belly-flop off the Golden Gate Bridge).  It is completely true.

 Dear Mr. Jeckles,
You may appreciate this:

We’ve been staying with my 75 year-old dad.  He gets up at 5 am every morning, proceeds to crank up the thermostat to approximately 80 degrees, turns on every television in the house (and there’s a bunch of them—at last count, 7), and then, making sure all doors and windows are closed, sits at his desk and chain smokes his way through multiple packs of cigarettes while playing Party Poker and solitaire.  This said, it is more painful than usual for me to wake up.

Anyway, a few weeks ago my alarm goes off and I immediately knew something was wrong.  The house was cold, quiet, and relatively smoke-free.  Shit, I thought, something’s wrong with the old man.  I got up and went into his room and sure enough, he looked pretty much dead.

Not bothering to confirm this, I left the room with a major dilemma: should I make coffee and have a few cups first or should I check his vitals and call the coroner?

Yeah, it’s not difficult to figure out what I did.  I made coffee and retired outside with a cup and a cigarette.  I figured, well, if he’s dead, he’s not going to get much worse and besides, I always think better after a pot or two of coffee….

Fortunately, he ended up alive (though, I’ve rarely seen anyone who looked deader…) and has been having a great time repeating this story.

Help?

Wednesday, March 19th, 2008

I don’t feel any crazier than usual—substantially more depressed but not any crazier. This said, multiple folks have lately implored me to “get professional help” (of the psychiatric variety).

Today I thought over decisions and behaviours I have made and engaged in throughout the past year or so and was surprised to discover that I’m not, as I imagined, only a few bottles short of a case, rather the whole damn box is empty.

Startling, dismaying, etc… but what are ya gonna do?

Psychology is quackery akin to chiropractic. I have little to no respect for practitioners of the psychiatric/psychological persuasion and in fact believe them to be little better than the phrenologists of the 19th and 20th centuries. All a psych doctor is good for is writing prescriptions (which is marginally better than a psychologist as they can’t even do that). Frankly, the homeless guy under the bridge is worth more to society.

Nope. Sorry guys, that’s the kind of “help” I don’t need.

On a Roll

Wednesday, March 19th, 2008

Yesterday was, even for me, a red-letter day*. I spoke to three friends and managed to get into fights with two of them. From there, I then wrote a series of jerkish and hateful emails to one of the folks I fought with and spent the rest of the evening seething and crying and hating myself for myriad reasons not the least of which is my tendency for assholism.

*The term “Red-Letter Day” originates from the medieval Christian Church to denote a day of special significance.

36

Saturday, March 15th, 2008

It’s my 36th year to heaven and i’m pissed as hell.

What can i say?  I’m still gorgeous yet time is taking his dagger gouges.

Lovers have decamped for younger pastures—-the  number one problem with being “straight”.

Anyway, this aging thing is out of control.  I wouldn’t give a crap about aging if the men i craved weren’t getting younger and more ridiculous.

Seriously, this last year has almost destroyed all that i thought was true.

~malfouka